2023年11月10日 星期五
Friday, November 10, 2023
#每日分享
#Share dail
分享一篇來自抑鬱症患者寫給ta精神支柱的信。
我和你不一樣，你還是ta們眼裡的希望，而我已經讓所有人都失望透頂了，包括我自己。如果再讓ta們選擇一次，ta們還是會拋棄我，我不知道ta們是抱著什麼心態跟我說:在我半歲的時候，把我送給別人養了，半年後，又把我要了回來，感恩嗎？沒有。責怪嗎？沒必要。
就因為一句我命格硬，我爺把他醉酒撞車了怪在我頭上，那年太公去世了，太奶奶病了不能下床，我爺連家都不回，我奶奶照顧著她，我知道我奶也怪我，我媽怨我不是男孩，（因為第一胎是女孩了）我爸想幫我，也拗不過我媽。小時候，無論我做什麼，除了責怪還是責怪，沒有一句誇獎的話，總之就是什麼事情都做不好的那種。哦，差點忘了，自己也曾是老師口中的那個ta。六年級我離家出走過，想過自殺，但忍住了，但自殺的念頭一直在，初二跟那個數學老師有矛盾，差點打架，然後就更不愛學了，直到初三，老師們對我都挺好的，然後呢，我就開始努力學習了，最後的成績也沒有辜負我（除了數學，氣死我了）。高一上冊的一次考試，考砸了，就焦慮了，然後選擇了體育，我以為可以輕鬆一點，但沒想到落到這種地步，ta們一直不支援我選體育的。這週迴去，ta們說我裝病，說我想自殺的話就去，我想，應該是抑鬱症了。
不知道從什麼時候起，我就以一個陌生人的身份當作借住在ta們家，等我經濟獨立了，我就把錢還給ta們，做完我想做的事，我想:我可以安心地離去了。從小到大，我在這個家庭裡像極了個外人，我不知道該怎麼形容了…這就是我的故事，你覺得你能幫得了什麼？我沒打算跟任何人講的，但遇見你已經很幸運，我不再強求什麼了。
Share a letter from a depressed person to his spiritual support.
I am not like you, you are still the hope in their eyes, and I have let everyone down, including myself. If you let them choose again, they will still abandon me. I don't know what kind of mentality they are holding to say to me: when I was half a year old, they gave me to someone else to raise, and half a year later, they took me back. Are you grateful? No. Blame? There's no need.
My grandfather blamed me for his drunken car crash because of a tough sentence. My grandfather died that year. My grandmother was ill and couldn't get out of bed. My grandfather didn't even go home. My grandmother took care of her. I knew my grandmother blamed me too. My mother blamed me for not being a boy (because the first child was a girl). My father wanted to help me, but he couldn't beat my mother. When I was a child, no matter what I did, in addition to blame or blame, there was no word of praise, in short, nothing can be done well. Oh, I almost forgot.I used to be the one in the teacher's mouth. In the sixth grade, I ran away from home and thought about committing suicide, but I held back, but the idea of suicide was always there. In the second year of junior high school, I had a conflict with the math teacher and almost had a fight. Then I didn't like learning any more. Until the third year of junior high school, the teachers were very good to me. Then, I began to study hard, and the final results did not fail me (except for math, I was so angry). In the first year of senior high school, I failed in an exam and became anxious. Then I chose sports. I thought I could relax a little, but I didn't expect to fall into this situation. They didn't support me to choose sports. When I went back this week, they said I was malingering and that I would go if I wanted to commit suicide. I think it should be depression.
I don't know when I started to live in their house as a stranger. When I became financially independent, I would return the money to them and finish what I wanted to do. I thought: I can leave with peace of mind. Growing up, I was like an outsider in this family. I don't know how to describe it. That's my story. How do you think you can help? I'm not going to tell anyone, but I'm lucky to meet you, and I'm not going to ask for anything.
